Today, at least half of our communication with other people happens over the internet. ChAT threads, emails, text messages, instant messages, DM's on Facebook, LinkedIn and twitter.

Holy smokes it's a lot to keep up with. My good friend Dan Martell recently posted about how wonderful it would be if only we could train our peeps to communicate with us using only one of the above.


The internet of things, today is so much to contend with. Usually, if I tell you I didn't receive the message you sent me, it's because I didn't. Or I did, but it was followed so closely behind with some other form of internet-interruption that it left my brain faster than a Stella McCartney at a handbag sale.

In any case, from our respective sides of the keyboard we come across all sorts, amiright? There are those who'd rewrite 'War and Peace' to respond to your simple yes or no question, and also those who will send you a cute Snap, or lob a 'like' across your facebook feed instead of answering your question about weekend plans. 

Deep down we love all of these people, but secretly we want to elbowgate them straight in the boobs. Below I will outline a few of these people and a light suggestion on the type of imaginary boobie-elbowgating you can consider implementing as a solution. 

1. The Selective Listener.

This is the person that you took 45 minutes to draft the message to. You write it carefully, read it and reread it to include detailed bullets, proper grammatical composition and sub headings. In your email bullets, you included six carefully positioned, and clearly posed questions, also known as: Action Items.

He writes you back a two liner that only answers the last question.

Action: Uppercut chest elbowgating.

2. The Evader.

You know her. She's the one that you see in person, and she's all like 'yes, let's *emojis galore*!!' So you stick out your neck and drop her an internet line, but getting a response from her is like Spanx at Sunday dinner - impossible!

Action: Sideswipe boobie elbowgating.

3. The Beggar.

You have a good thing going the two of you, you truly do. Except that the only time he reaches out to you is when he WANTS something from you. Like really, all you have to do is scroll up and see message after message of internet panhandling.

Action: Double-barrelled, man-boobie elbowgating.

4. The E-enthusiast.

She is no stranger to the exclamation mark or the selection of emojis and GIFs at her disposal. You are so stimulated by her emails that you need to refresh your uber-depressing facebook home feed at least three times just to come down from it.

Action: Imaginary but totally do-able boobie elbowgating.

5. The self-Indulgent.

Selfies, self-talk vids, instagram follow bots, #tonsofhashtags. This internetter has little time to acknowledge you between crafting their perfect instagram post and buying followers. But DAMN those inspirational quotes are beautiful.

Action: Direct to centre boobie elbowgating.