Flare pants, you had your chance.

Remember that time in 2014 when you tried to work your way back into our closets but were met with insurmountable rejection? Didn't you learn anything from that? Sure you fooled us in the 70's - there was a lot to be distracted by in that decade - and yeah, ok - you snuck in again at the turn of the millennium - we were vulnerable then too as we licked our post grunge era fashion wounds, even Britney Spears got to us. But you are not fooling us again, NOT this time.

Flare pants, here's what you need to know: We want to look taller and skinnier, not shorter and wider. We like to tuck our jeans into our boots from time to time. We want to wear our pants with more than just one pair of evil dangerous platform shoes. We want to have control over the cleanliness of our hemlines. We are knock-kneed enough without you, we believe that pants were meant to be seen, not heard... and no, we don't want to look like we are paying homage to the 70's by looking dated and costumey.

Flare pants, this is not reactionary. Below, please see a list of the careful considerations we have taken.

Yours Sincerely,

Integrity of the Female Form

1. Nope

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2. Nope

3. Nope

4. Still nope

5. Nope

6. Nope

7. Nope

8. Heck nope

9. Nope

10. Nope