It's Wednesday, the middle of the work week also known as #HumpDay to the more hip and fun folk. I am lounged in my office (sprawled on the couch in my living-room with Doritos on my chest and my laptop on my stomach), the sun is trickling through the partly opened curtains, I am supposed to be working but I can't stop looking over at my phone. There is this itch... no it's more than an itch. It's the equivalent to pre-2016 Leonardo Dicaprio and his long fiery desire to obtain an Oscar. And what is causing this languishing agony?
... fucking Pokémon.
SIDEBAR - A QUICK SUMMARY OF #PokémonGo FOR ALL OF THOSE WHO I ASSUME MUST HAVE BEEN LIVING LIKE TARZAN AND JUST HAPPENED TO STUMBLE ACROSS THE INTERNET IN THE JUNGLE:
Pokémon Go is a free app for both Android and iOS devices. The goal like all other Pokémon games is to catch 'em all and the all are the little fictional creatures that belong to the Pokémon world known as, you guessed it: Pokémon. The difference between Pokémon Go and other Pokémon games is that Pokémon Go uses augmented reality and encourages users to get out of their house by mixing real-world elements into the game.
Since the release of the game, Nintendo's stock saw a two-day 36% increase - adding more than $7 billion to the company's market capitalization.
Cool, so now that we're on the same page...
Ever since Pokémon Go's release last week (and since I figured out how to download the app in Canada - way to leave the most adorable and best country out Niantic, Inc.) I have not been able to put my phone down. My life is being consumed by trying to catch the next best, rare, and most importantly legendary Pokémon. And I'm not the only one. The evidence that Pokémon Go is taking over lives one by one is quite apparent - you just need to go to the nearest park and you'll see every second or third stranger (although Pokémon Go players tend to travel in packs) buried into their phones, walking around aimlessly fulfilling the very stereotype of this decade i.e. we are always hunched over like Gollum staring at our brightly lit screens... my PRECIOUS! (I know, poor and overused LOTR reference).
#PokéYAYGo OR #PokéNOPEGo?
So, is this a good or bad thing? A light in the darkness for those who would otherwise be shielded in their own sarcophaguses? As an avid promoter of being lazy, a passion for moving as little as possible and the couch being a popular hangout spot of mine - I can say it's motivated me to move more than well...anything! I am actually walking a lot... that alone gives enough verification to call it a technological miracle.
Although after visiting King Square in Saint John, N.B. last night around 10PM and seeing a herd of zombie-like people out in the real world playing this game struck up a vast and varied mix of emotions. It's scary. It's exciting. It's fun. It's ALL OUT SUPER MEGA WEIRD, but you can't help but smirk about it. Pokémon Go seems to be this neutral force, for every pro there is a con for example people are out walking, learning about monuments in their cities, socializing more, it's bringing a community together and some have even gone as far to say it's helping with anxiety and depression.
BUT, and there is always a but, people are trespassing to reach PokéStops and Pokémon Gyms, staying up all hours of the night, being loud and annoying to residents in the area, and in all honesty it looks ridiculous to see a pack of people walk by each entranced by their phones. I HAVE SO MANY MIXED EMOTIONS AND JUST WANT TO BE THE BEST LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS.
SO PLEASE TELL ME is the #PokémonGo pandemic that's on the rise affecting you? Are you LOVING it? HATING it? PLAYING it? too busy to give a fuck? COMMENT and tell me all about it!
If you're willing to give it a shot, here's how you can dress to kill:
1. Kick-Ass Comfy Shoes
2. LAYERS ON LAYERS + One Bomb Bomber Jacket
3. A Rad Hat
4. Backpack AKA The Life Saviour Sack
5. Stretchy-Ass Pants
BONUS: Headphones. If you're not ready to let the world know you're a Poké geek - use headphones. You can put the app on, shove your phone into the depths of your pockets and listen for a Pokémon to appear. No phone in face required and no shame.